The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same


Warning! Warning! I have taken off my Purple Colored Glasses for this post!

I have seen enough damage from drug and alcohol abuse to last me a lifetime and then some. I grew up in an alcoholic household and somehow I managed to build one myself.

Growing up both my parents drank heavily and both were physically abusive to each other. My father stopped drinking when I was 13. He started going to A.A. meetings and he made my brother and I go to Al-Anon meetings. I hated those meetings and I hated my dad for making us go to them.

My parents divorced shortly after this time period because my mother would not get help for her own alcohol problems. I worshipped the ground my mother walked on and I never really saw that she had a problem. I always blamed my father for the divorce.

I never did drugs, I left that to my brother. I used to even rat him out and flush his stuff down the toilet.

As a teen, I would occasionally have a wine cooler or a beer but only in my house in front of my mom.  I did start drinking a little here and there in my 20’s. But it was only socially.

My mom passed away when I was in my mid 20’s and shortly after that I met my current husband and got married.

When I entered into my 30’s I began to drink a glass of wine every day after dinner and drinking beer at family get togethers. Very quickly it turned into having several glasses of wine after dinner and getting drunk at family get togethers.

My father passed away when I was 35. I had a very bad relationship with him and I had not talked to him for the past 5 years. I did manage to write him a letter before he died explaining my feelings. I dealt with his death by drinking more and more.

About a year and a half ago I drank so much that I thought I was going to die. I went to bed and the only thing that I remember was thinking if I lived through the night I would never, ever, drink again. I woke up the next morning and I have not had a single drop of alcohol since.

My kids love the fact that I no longer drink. They now know that if we go somewhere there will be at least one sober parent. They no longer have to worry about stupid parents who drink and drive. Basically, they don’t have to worry about dieing at a young age due to alcohol.

Now I find myself in the same situation that my dad must have been in. My husband refuses to see that he has a problem. He thinks I am just trying to be little miss perfect and that I think alcohol is the root of all evil.

He thinks it is normal to be on Xanax and drink 12 beers a day in just a few hours. The memory loss he has, he blames that on a cholesterol medicine. I actually overheard him tell his doctor today that he will no longer take the cholesterol medicine. I can’t wait to see what he blames next!

I just hope he can manage to wake up in the morning like I did when he finally hits rock bottom.

I find it somehow ironic that I have landed myself in my father’s shoes.

I will now put my Purple Colored Glasses back on I promise!

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6 Comments

  1. Wow. Talk about honesty. The saddest thing about this whole “situation” is that your husband won’t get “help” if he doesn’t see it. That’s what sucks about it. I really hope this isn’t going to cause a “deal breaker” thing between the two of you. If this is bothering you THIS MUCH, it’s only going to be like a pebble in your shoe. It was slightly annoying in the beginning but after a while, it’s downright painful.

    I admire you writing this and am right here behind you. Or standing next to you or whatever.

    Reply
  2. Joy ~ Thanks for your comment and for standing behind, next to me or whatever!

    Reply
  3. Wow. Talk about opening your soul. Congratulations on the past 18 months and the belated congratulations on the 2 years!

    Whilst never being at quite the level you describe, I am a rugby player and drinking is ingrained in the culture, so probably twice per week I would end up drinking over Ten Pints. However, around about when my son was born I found it was causing me to get into situations that if sober I would have walked away from.

    I remember having that eureka moment myself after having a big argument with my dad. While I don’t think what I said was wrong, I would have had more sense than to say it had I been sober, there was never going to be anything good to come from it. Since then, whilst not exactly swearing off the drink for good, I now pretty much just drink soft drinks. My problem was never an addiction to alcohol (actually my current addiction to diet-coke is probably far harder to kick), it was not realising that I resist the social pressure to drink. People now expect me to drink soft drinks and remark on the occasions when I join in.

    Like Joy, I hope this does not become a problem for you and your husband. Does your husband read your blog? Has he shown any signs of compromise? You are truly strong willed to have given up both cigarettes and alcohol in a house where your husband has not. (I don’t want to stir things up but [hey I owe him nothing 😉 ] You might want to point out that his habits are costing the equivalent to a part time wage, or at least a large fraction of one!)

    Reply
  4. Mr. Geek ~ Thanks for the comment. Trust me he knows how I feel about going back to work! I told him this weekend I was not going to go back to work so he could spend it all on drinking!

    Obvisiously this is a problem in my house, but unlike most people these days I believe in the vows I made when I got married. For better or worse actually means what it says. This may be the worst but it does not mean that I am going to quit. Lord knows I am not a quitter, unless it’s cigarettes and alcohol! 🙂

    As for my husband reading this blog. No he does not. This is MY blog, My own seperate place. I have a family blog that I keep for our family.

    Reply
  5. WTF?? Dude….seriously the xanax and booze are a bad bad combo…I know my doctor tells me everytime she fills my scrip….stay away from the booze..he can say goodbye to his liver. I mean I hate to just lay that out there but not only does booze intensify the already meth like feeling of the xanax but the combo is deadly to the liver. He needs to go get information on that.
    I would love to go out and party now that the kids are older….but I know I can’t do it..because 1 drink will lead to like a dozen shots for me and the doctor tells me everytime I’m in there to stay away from the booze because of the whole liver thing.

    Reply
  6. Javajunkee ~ He has been told about his liver function many times. But like a true alcoholic it’s everything but the alcohol. His brother-in-law that passed away in November had the same exact problem.

    Reply

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