Where Do I Even Start?!

Dear Mrs. ~,

Hi, my name is Thomas and I’ve gone out wit ur daughter many times and when when we break up its because really what she has told me is that you dont really approve of me dating your daughter . I jus wanted to let u know that I love your daughter with all my heart and I care about her so much and I would do anything to be with her. She stole my heart the first time her and me met and I really want to be with her. She is the first person I have ever fell in love with. The first person to ever make me feel whole and without I’m a half im nothing without ur daughter and I want to be the one to make her happy and I love her so much and as much as I care about her is as much as I care about you approving of her and me being together. Well hope you have a wonderful and a great.


The above is an actual e-mail I received from one of my oldest daughter’s ex-boyfriends. For the record, my daughter dated him twice and she wants nothing to do with him. I told her when I first met him that I did not really like him that much but I never told my daughter that she could not date him. She told the boy that I did not approve of him so that he would go away! I have trained her well!

I have not yet replied to Thomas,  quite frankly I don’t know where to start! I think this just might work:

Dear Thomas,

Thank you very much for your e-mail regarding your feelings for my daughter. I would really like to know who your English teacher is because I want to make sure my daughter never gets him or her.

I have talked to my daughter and she really does not want to go out with you again. Since you claim my daughter has stolen your heart I have asked her to return it immediately.

If you continue to bother my daughter I will have to hand matters over to her father. Mr. ~ is very busy doing his Spring Cleaning right now which mainly consists of cleaning his guns. I must forewarn you that Mr. ~ gets really upset when we interrupt his Spring Cleaning.


Mrs. ~

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  1. ROFLMAO…in this house it would be mom spring cleaning and that would include the guns!

    that’s a friggin hilarious email..you need to send it!

  2. That is a great email. I love the part about the “heart stealing” and you’ll tell her to give it back!! LMAO!!! Cleaning his guns!!! LOL!!! Let us know if you sent it. I think I might go for it.

  3. All joking aside….be careful how you handle this one!!! Very sensitive material!.

    • Trust me I am! That is why I have not yet replied to him and I probably won’t. My daughter and I keep joking around about it but that will probably be it.

      You never know what these stupid kids will do these days. I have already told her if he does not leave her alone or she feels threatened by him we need to take it to his parents or even the authorities.

  4. ROFLMAO!! Oh man, THAT is funny!!!

    Maybe someone should tell the lad about this new fangled thing called a spelling and grammar checker??? Just a thought.

    • The actual e-mail is still in my Suspect Spam folder. When it is placed there it sends an automated reply to the sender to have me add them as a contact. The poor boy has not yet figured out how to do that! I think I have 5 or 6 copies of his e-mail in my folder now!

      Nice to see ya here!

  5. Thanks JAM! It’s nice to be here!!

  6. Tosha

     /  May 3, 2009

    Too funny. Though yes i’d be careful with that one. Sometimes they go stalker crazy… Just sayin!

  1. ♥ that time again ♥ « ~javajunkee~

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