Question & Video Of The Week

Pop Tarts Flavorhood

Question of the week: What flavor is your house? (What is your favorite pop tart flavor?)

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The Angry Mob

Our subdivision has a setup like this for mail:

It is common for people to post pictures of their lost pets and for companies to tape up fliers for their business on the sides of our mail boxes. I never really pay much attention to them to be honest.

Monday I went down the street to check my mail like I normally do in the afternoon. This time I did notice two signs that were up on the mailboxes. The handwriting looked oddly familiar. I then looked around the street and noticed 2 flyers up on the street light as well. It seems our little suburban cul-de-sac has been overtaken by THE ANGRY MOB!

Ah yes, I am the proud mother of the Mob Boss of the ANGRY MOB! Apparently Sunday, while I was watching football, my youngest daughter and her friends rallied together and made signs to put up around the neighborhood. I even gave them the tape to hang them up! I knew I should have asked what they needed tape for!

Blah, Blah, Blah

I am one of those blah moods the past week or so. I am trying like hell to get out of it but man is it hard! Life was good for a short time and as usual the cycle of alcoholism continues.

I am still looking for a job and I spent today filling out applications for retail and GASP, fast food jobs. Tomorrow I will get dressed up and hit the actual pavement once again! Watch out mall, here I come! But this time I will be armed with my resumé and pen in hand instead of my credit card!

For Christmas my youngest daughter got an art easel that has a dry erase board on it. Saturday, while she was outside playing, I drew a multi-colored heart and wrote “I Love You” on it. Sunday morning I noticed that she wrote “I Love You 2!” and this morning I noticed that she wrote “I Love You 3!” on it. That kid just knows how to make me smile! 

For now I am just going to try and remember my golden rule: Life’s a bitch, get over it!

Question & Video Of The Week

Trapper John, M.D.
Spin-off from M*A*S*H

Question of the week: What spin-off shows can you remember?

Pony Tail Holders

This morning we had a HUGE blow-up at my house! This occurred where most of our morning blow-ups happen in my daughter’s upstairs bathroom! I could hear cabinets slamming and feet stomping like I was about to be stepped on while I was getting a cup of coffee down in the kitchen. I made my usual threats and as usual I ended up going upstairs to referee!

Remember, I am not talking about little 4 years olds here I have a 17-year-old and a 10-year-old! They were fighting over stupid pony tail holders!! Apparently they both decided to put their hair up this morning and they were down to 1 little pony tail holder.

I finally was able to convince my youngest daughter to take the high road and let her “older” sister use the pony tail holder. Actually I bribed her! I told her that I would stop at the store on the way to drop her off at school and buy some more and we could fix her hair in the car!

What gets me is that I am constantly buying these stupid pony tail holders!! I swear I buy at least 1 pack of 50 once a month and they are not cheap! Where the hell do they go?! Seriously? I don’t find them on the floor. I don’t find them in my car. They are obviously not in the bathroom where they belong!

I think the makers of the pony tail holders use a special chemical that makes them disappear after a few days of being used. It’s all a huge Pony Tail Holder Conspiracy! The companies know that we mother’s will cave in and buy more of these stupid things just to stop the whining and screaming of these little monsters we call daughters!

It makes me shudder to think of the fact that when I was a kid we just used rubber bands! I don’t know how I ever survived!

Vivid Colorful Hair Rubber Bands Set (12 Pieces)

Video Of The Week

Happy Pony

It’s So Cold…

This past weekend we got Old Man Winter’s Arctic Blast here in Houston, Texas. Now, I’m not one to complain, Oh who the hell am I trying to kid yes I am, but anyway, it was freaking cold!

I didn’t do crap this weekend because it was just to darn cold! I pretty much stayed on the couch, hot coffee in hand, blanket in lap, wearing socks, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt and jeans with the thermostat on 72 degrees and the fireplace running non-stop! Yes, I am a Texan and we don’t do cold!

 All of the sitting around got me to thinking of different little sayings about the cold. My mom, who grew up in Connecticut, used to say: “The North wind will blow and we shall have snow and what will poor I do then?” She would also say, “It’s so cold out there you’ll freeze your ass off!” I used to love that saying and I use it often with my own kids! Especially when the morons where flip-flops when it’s 30 degrees outside!

It’s so cold: 

  • I’m shivering like a mobster in a tax office!
  • we had to chisel the dog off the fire hydrant!
  • the local flasher was caught *describing* himself to women!
  • you have to open the fridge to heat the house!
  • that Bill Clinton is sleeping with his own wife in order to keep warm!
  • lawyers have their hands in their own pockets!
  • when we milked the cows, we got ice cream

*Just to note: I found these little gems surfing the web.

I Know You Are, But What Am I?

Last night my youngest daughter opened the door to her big sister’s room to say good night and I hear the older one scream “Jesus, you scared the crap out of me!” My younger daughter was laughing like crazy! I followed into my oldest daughter’s room a minute later and I handed her a wad of toilet paper. She looked at me funny and I finally said “I thought you might need this to clean up your crap that got scared out of you!” This made my little one fall to the floor in laughter! My older daughter was not amused and she said “You are so immature!” Upon leaving the older, mature daughter’s room my little one gave me a high five and I stuck my tongue out at my oldest daughter!

This morning I did what any good mother would do and I made my oldest daughter’s lunch. I normally do not make her lunch anymore, she makes her own. But I thought I would be nice for a change. I even put a nice little note in there for her! It said:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Enjoy your sandwich,
I spit on it just for you!

That should teach her to call me immature!

 

Video Of The Week

The Cosby Show

If the dress fits, wear it

I’m Free

I’m free, I’m free at last! No more refereeing sisterly fights, no more answering the phone and feeling like an answering machine, “Hi, this is so and so’s mom she can’t come to the phone right now because her lazy butt is still in bed at 11am, would you like to leave a message?” and no more chauffeuring kiddos to the movies or friends houses! Well at least not until the weekend anyway!

Christmas Winter break is finally over! I can now clean the house without having to move the kids from one room to the next. I can go to the grocery store and get only the stuff on my list. I can go see Avatar instead of having to see Alvin and the Chipmunks! Oh wait I liked Alvin and the Chipmunks!

Don’t get me wrong I love my daughters. Well at times I love them! But they needed to go back to school. They were even ready to go back! Two weeks of no school is just enough time to get to do stuff with them and not end up killing them. Maybe year-round school is a good idea after all!

Now it’s back to getting up at 5 in the morning, making lunches, driving kids to school and picking them up and helping them with homework. Wait, maybe they should go back on vacation! I’m not so free after all!

Motherhood - Ya. It's for the insane!

The Fine Art Of Reading

My mom could read a book a day and I don’t think I ever saw my dad with a book in his hands his entire life! I fall somewhere in the middle! I like to read if I am learning something. History, cookbooks those I can deal with! There have been a few authors that I really like, Steinbeck and Bradbury are the best!

Recently I read the book Julie & Julia and it took me 3 weeks to read it. I really enjoyed it and I am looking forward to reading Julie Powell’s new book Cleaving. Currently I am reading Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. I have been reading it for 3 weeks and I had to recheck it from the library because I still have about 250 pages left to read!

It seems like when I have a book in my hands everyone in my house finds the need to talk to me! They could go for hours and hours without saying one word to me and the second I grab a cup of coffee, sit on the couch and pick up a book, BAM!, they find the need to talk!

Now, I can read while the television is on as long as it’s not a show I like. I can even read while music is playing. But if someone is talking directly to me, nope not gonna happen, I can’t read! I have even tried to ignore them, you know just nod my head and go on with my reading. Then I think what if I just nodded yes to my oldest daughter getting into the car of a serial rapist or what if I just told my youngest daughter that she could get her belly button pierced! So even if I try to ignore them I can’t concentrate long enough to get past 3 sentences at a time!

Last week I tried reading at night after everyone went to bed. I am not a night reader! For one my contacts are out and I wear my glasses. Well then I have to play the glasses on, glasses off game. It took me 2 days to figure out I really don’t need my glasses on to read! Getting old sucks! My next problem is by 10 pm I am tired! Five minutes into reading that late my eyes start to play the open shut game. That’s it off to bed I go!

My husband is not a reader so he is no help to my reading woes. Actually he interrupts my reading just as much as the kids! I told him the other day if he didn’t stop bugging me he could count watching The Masters Golf Tournament in peace this year goodbye!

I know there will be hope for my getting through this latest book next week when the kids go back to school. The one place I get to read in peace is in my car waiting to pick up my youngest daughter from school, that is of course as long as my husband doesn’t call me on my cell phone!