Blah, Blah, Blah


I am one of those blah moods the past week or so. I am trying like hell to get out of it but man is it hard! Life was good for a short time and as usual the cycle of alcoholism continues.

I am still looking for a job and I spent today filling out applications for retail and GASP, fast food jobs. Tomorrow I will get dressed up and hit the actual pavement once again! Watch out mall, here I come! But this time I will be armed with my resumé and pen in hand instead of my credit card!

For Christmas my youngest daughter got an art easel that has a dry erase board on it. Saturday, while she was outside playing, I drew a multi-colored heart and wrote “I Love You” on it. Sunday morning I noticed that she wrote “I Love You 2!” and this morning I noticed that she wrote “I Love You 3!” on it. That kid just knows how to make me smile! 

For now I am just going to try and remember my golden rule: Life’s a bitch, get over it!

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18 Comments

  1. Great attitude to have! You are a winner! I have an idea. Do you have any Employment agencies in your area? They have both temp. and perm positions. There shoulkd be no fee to you. You usually go in, fill out papers, take some tests, get interviewed, and then…??? Just a thought. 🙂

    Reply
  2. I hope you get out of the blahs soon Heather. Life has a funny way of making you feel that way. More often than not sometimes.

    Oh no! Is your hubby drinking again?

    Good luck with the job hunt. Paula is right there with you in spirit. She has been searching and searching since being laid off and of course, having no luck finding anything.

    I love what your daughter did on the dry erase board. That’s awesome!

    Reply
    • Sadly the hubs decided to change his game plan to drinking once or twice a week. I guess he didn’t understand the point of “pick one, booze or family!” Some people just can’t have thier beer and drink it! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Oh, I didn’t know you were looking for work, ugh, so sorry, me too. I just taped a video blog about my own stuggles, and I had to laugh, I was so blah about it. Not posting it until tomorrow night.

    Good luck and I hope you find something soon!

    Reply
    • I have been looking for about 3 years but I have been very picky about the hours I want. Now I am at the point just give me a job and we will work around the job!
      I am looking forward to your video!

      Reply
  4. I hate it so much when I get the blahs. It can sometimes get serious if you can’t “straighten” yourself up. It really can turn into depression very easily. I hope you find something you can at least enjoy doing. I’m more sorry that I can say about the drinking. I wondered how that was going but wasn’t sure what to say or how to bring it up.

    I love the message board. That is just too damned cute. I love your girls. You did so much right.

    Reply
  5. Sherri

     /  January 26, 2010

    Sorry to hear about your husband drinking again. Have you tried Al-Anon? I was involved with an alcoholic for 20 years.We dated for 2 years, had a baby, married, (I know in my family we do things backwards…my mom is sooo proud!) The marriage lasted 10 years we had another child, got divorced, and the rest of the time was spent going back and forth.

    Aside, from the fact that he was an alocholic he was also physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive at times. I know, heavy stuff huh? We all have our trials and tribulations and a story to tell. The point I’m trying to make is that his alcoholism made everyone in the family sick. It’s a “Family Disease”. I began going to Al-Anon during the last 5 years I spent with him. It helped me to step back and take a look at what I was doing to enable him and it also helped me work through my own issues. Issues that I sometimes blamed him or his alcoholism on. I took responsibility for my own shortcomings.

    He tried to clean up a few times. Even went to rehab and stayed sober for 6 months. That was the longest I had ever seen him not drink. I was on my own at that point, but we decided to reconcile. His sobriety didn’t last very long after I moved back in. In fact, his drinking became worse. It’s not easy on the ones who love the alcoholic to sit and watch them destroy their lives and slowly deteriorate their bodies. During that 5 years there were short periods of sobriety, but usually only after something bad happened. A domestic violence dispute, a car accident, etc.

    I don’t pretend to know what you are feeling or going through as each person and family has differnt experiences, however, I do understand the complexity of this disease and how it affects the family unit. If you gave him an ultimatum you shouldn’t back down. You should hold true to your word even if it means kicking him out. An alcoholic needs to understand that there are consequences and loved ones won’t always be there to pad/buffer their compulsive choices and behaviors.

    Suffice it to say, I left him for good 3 1/2 years ago and I have never looked back. I even moved out of state because in my situation I felt it was in my best interest. I apologize for going on and on, but this is a subject that I feel strongly about. I hope you find the courage and strength to get through this and make a decision that you feel is right. It took me a long time to work through my own issues and separate his problems from mine. But when I look back I can say that I have finally forgiven him and myself. I understand he has a disease but I don’t have to be a part of it or let him continue to hurt my emotional well being because of it. I have the power to make my own decisions and choices. To be happy 🙂

    I am the happiest I’ve ever been and the most peaceful also. I feel thankful for my expieriences as it made me the person I am today.

    Best of luck,
    S~

    Reply
    • Sherri thanks for the comment! I grew up with alcoholic parents. My dad sobered up and did the AA route and he made my brother and I do the Al-Anon/teen thing. I have been a recovering alcoholic for the past 2 years and although I did it on my own I use the things that I learned from Al-Anon a bunch. Hmm maybe I should go check out a meeting!
      I have done the ultamatium thing a couple of times the past 2 years. Doesn’t work, never does. My 1st step is a job!
      Thanks again for sharing your story. I really appreciate it!

      Reply
  6. So sorry to read about the Blah’s! I grew up with alcoholic parents and had to unlearn a lot of alcoholic ways. I thought a lot of things were “normal” that weren’t. Needless to say it was a tough road.

    As is the job market, I’ve been blessed so far but I still feel the pinch of a slower economy. I did hear to get a job nowadays you had to be available whenever they needed you. I also heard a friend in California’s company just outsourced several department to India.

    UGH!!! Hang in there! Big hugs!

    Reply
    • Thanks. I grew up with alcoholic parents as well and apparently I failed to break the cycle. But there is still hope for me to do it!
      I have given up on trying to find a job to fit my family. My family is going to have to learn how to adjust to a job when I find one!

      Reply
  7. Tasneem R

     /  January 27, 2010

    I suggest you just fold your hands and pray each day religiously to God . Please do that . I’m sure after few days you will write about your first day at job!

    Reply
  8. Hands are folded everyday in prayer and thanks! 🙂

    Reply
  9. S. Le

     /  January 28, 2010

    Good luck to you in your job search! Stay strong!

    Reply
  10. moodswingmabel

     /  January 30, 2010

    Heather, so so ugh- sounds so trite, but i’m so sorry! I can feel your frustration and it makes me feel so bad. You are a terrific, wonderful woman with an awesome sense of humor and self- a phenomenal mother and take such joy in your girls- I just know things are going to work out for you! I’m on your side! I’m here cheering you on! I’ll send up good thoughts for you and your family!

    Reply
    • Thanks Mabs! Life happens and it’s how you get through things that matter. And trust me I will get through this and be a better person for it. Keep those good thoughts flying upwards, they can’t hurt! 🙂

      Reply

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