Reinventing Myself…

Sorry I have not been holding up my little corner of the blogging world so well lately. It seems something has to give every now and then and this poor little blog has been the neglected one! For those of you who still check in on me, thanks. I try to check in on everyone even though I may not comment!

So why have I been lacking in my blogging you ask? Well I have been trying to reinvent myself. Maybe this is my mid-life crisis, seeing that I will be 40 in just a few months it sounds like a good enough excuse to me!

I have been doing a ton of thinking and talking to other people and I finally came to the conclusion that I have been trying to change the wrong person in my house. I have been trying to change my husband when in reality he will never change unless he wants to. I am the one who has to change!

I am tired of being the victim. I am tired of having the poor me attitude. I am just plain tired!

I am not, at least not at this point, ready to call it quits on my marriage. We have a lot of good things going for us and I believe the vows I took said, “For better and for worse, in sickness and in health.” Well this is the worse and my husband has a sickness called Alcoholism.

With that being said, I can and have made some changes around my house that have made it easier on myself and my kids. I have told my husband until he decides to get treatment for his illness he basically has no decision or responsibilities in certain things with the kids. For example he has no say in the discipline because he has no control in his judgement. He is not allowed to pick the kids up or to drive them anywhere because we can’t trust him to be sober. After this past weekend if he wants to join us in a family outing he must do so without any alcohol. I have been sleeping in a separate room than my husband for the past 2 months and I have been sleeping great! I even managed to get enough nerve up to open my own bank account! Granted I am not putting much in there but it is mine!  I have basically become a single parent who shares a roof with some other person.

It might sound bad but it actually has been going pretty good! The kids have a better attitude and so do I. We actually have laughter back in our house! I actually have a backbone! I am actually proud of myself as a mother and as a person in general!

So here’s to reinventing myself or just trying to survive my mid-life crisis!

Blah, Blah, Blah

I am one of those blah moods the past week or so. I am trying like hell to get out of it but man is it hard! Life was good for a short time and as usual the cycle of alcoholism continues.

I am still looking for a job and I spent today filling out applications for retail and GASP, fast food jobs. Tomorrow I will get dressed up and hit the actual pavement once again! Watch out mall, here I come! But this time I will be armed with my resumé and pen in hand instead of my credit card!

For Christmas my youngest daughter got an art easel that has a dry erase board on it. Saturday, while she was outside playing, I drew a multi-colored heart and wrote “I Love You” on it. Sunday morning I noticed that she wrote “I Love You 2!” and this morning I noticed that she wrote “I Love You 3!” on it. That kid just knows how to make me smile! 

For now I am just going to try and remember my golden rule: Life’s a bitch, get over it!