The Dating Game

My oldest daughter, who is 17, has had “boyfriends” before but they never go out on dates. At least not what I consider a real date. They usually just hang out around my house and watch television or hang out at the park or the mall.

Well last Wednesday my daughter came home from school all excited. I knew something was up because school is never exciting! She was asked out on a real date! They planned to go to the movies after school on that Friday. She was nice enough to double-check with me if she could go which I had no problem with. I really appreciated the fact that she asked me first.

The boy who asked her out on a date has his own car. It’s an old black Trans Am. I am a little jealous of his car! My daughter has gotten a ride home from school a couple of times with him so I felt alright with him driving her around.

The afternoon of the big date I went about my normal business and I didn’t really think much about my oldest daughter being out. I have raised her well and whatever choices she makes are hers to make and she knows I am here if she ever needs me. My husband on the other hand was having a bit of a fit and he kept worrying about her. I half expected him to be waiting for them on the door step when they got home.

My youngest daughter beat him to the door step! My oldest daughter and her date pulled up in front of our house and there was my little one sitting there waiting for them! The boy got out of his car and walked over to my oldest daughter and gave her a …hug!

I thought my oldest daughter was going to kill her little sister! If looks could kill my little one would definitely be 10 feet under!

Advice She Will Never Forget!

My oldest daughter has a new boyfriend, wait I think she has a new boyfriend, they come and go so fast it’s hard to keep up! Well anyway, last week my daughter and I were in the car alone together and she asked me if her boyfriend could come over that afternoon. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: “No, not today, it’s family day. I told you yesterday to make sure his coming over for only an hour was worth it.”
Daughter #1: “But, I wasn’t thinking about that. I was only thinking that I wanted to see him then no matter what.”
Me: “That’s why I asked you more than once if you were sure it was worth only seeing him for an hour!”
There was a brief silence in the car.
Daughter #1: “So…Can he come over this afternoon?”
Me: “Um..NO! Life is like a Chocolate Bunny.”
Daughter #1 (laughing): “What the Hell?!”
Me: “Shut up and listen! Right now you are in a new relationship and all you can think about is what you want right now, this instant! You are not thinking about the next day or the next week. It’s just like when you get a Chocolate Bunny at Easter. It starts out with I’m just going to eat the Bunny ears. The next thing you know you are down to the feet and you are now sick to your stomach. All you could think about was how good those little Bunny ears tasted and you didn’t think about anything else! See Life is like a Chocolate Bunny… please make sure you are careful where you bite!”
Daughter #1 (laughing so hard she has tears rolling down her face): “Only MY MOM would tell me something like that!”

Where Do I Even Start?!

Dear Mrs. ~,

Hi, my name is Thomas and I’ve gone out wit ur daughter many times and when when we break up its because really what she has told me is that you dont really approve of me dating your daughter . I jus wanted to let u know that I love your daughter with all my heart and I care about her so much and I would do anything to be with her. She stole my heart the first time her and me met and I really want to be with her. She is the first person I have ever fell in love with. The first person to ever make me feel whole and without I’m a half im nothing without ur daughter and I want to be the one to make her happy and I love her so much and as much as I care about her is as much as I care about you approving of her and me being together. Well hope you have a wonderful and a great.


The above is an actual e-mail I received from one of my oldest daughter’s ex-boyfriends. For the record, my daughter dated him twice and she wants nothing to do with him. I told her when I first met him that I did not really like him that much but I never told my daughter that she could not date him. She told the boy that I did not approve of him so that he would go away! I have trained her well!

I have not yet replied to Thomas,  quite frankly I don’t know where to start! I think this just might work:

Dear Thomas,

Thank you very much for your e-mail regarding your feelings for my daughter. I would really like to know who your English teacher is because I want to make sure my daughter never gets him or her.

I have talked to my daughter and she really does not want to go out with you again. Since you claim my daughter has stolen your heart I have asked her to return it immediately.

If you continue to bother my daughter I will have to hand matters over to her father. Mr. ~ is very busy doing his Spring Cleaning right now which mainly consists of cleaning his guns. I must forewarn you that Mr. ~ gets really upset when we interrupt his Spring Cleaning.


Mrs. ~

Did You Hear The One About The Priest?

My oldest daughter has found a boy she is interested in dating. She has known this boy since the 4th grade, they went to the same Catholic elementary school. They lost touch with each other after 5th grade and they are now making their church confirmation together.

My daughter got off the phone with him the other night and she was laughing so hard she was close to pissing in her pants! I of course asked her what was so funny and she said:

“I just asked out a priest on a date!”

Apparently this boy, who is a junior in a Catholic high school, has decided to be a priest. He has visited a seminary and decided that that is his calling

I told my daughter that she should ask our priest if this is something worthy of confession!

This phone call will of course result in years of family teasing for my daughter!

What To Do When You Don’t Like The New Boyfriend

I have been putting off writing this post because it will not put me in a very good light. But here it goes anyway! 

My sixteen year old daughter has finally decided to start “going out” with someone since her breakup with Baby Huey. I say “going out” because she only sees him at school. She has decided to start seeing a boy who is black. We are white. No, I am not a racist. I think white people should date white people. I know the boy’s family and his mother agrees with me that they should not date each other due to the color of their skin. What I find funny is that neither father knows about them “going out.”

This situation has been going on for about a month now. I have told my daughter that this boy will never be allowed to pick her up at my house for a date. They have been friends for a number of years and I told her that this is the way it should stay.

So what do you do when you don’t like your daughter’s new boyfriend? Hmm let’s see. So far I have threatened to tell her father, I have purposely not told her about phone calls from him and with the help of the boy’s mother we have made sure they don’t go to the movies or mall together. 

This weekend I pulled out the best weapon of all, guilt from the dead! I happened to tell my brother about the situation and he made the comment “I bet Mom is rolling over in her grave! She better watch her butt because her grammy just might zap her with a bolt of lightening!” I of course ran right to my daughter and gave her the words of wisdom her Uncle told me.

I found my daughter writing a break up note to this boy last night. She told me she didn’t want to date someone her family didn’t approve of.

My work is done. You gotta love guilt! It works everytime!

It’s All My Fault

Yesterday it finally happened, my oldest daughter broke up with her boyfriend, Baby Huey. They have been dating for 6 months, which to them is a lifetime. Keep in mind that by the time I actually publish this post things will probably change and they might be back together.

My dear daughter has been in a bit of trouble around our house lately. She has not done anything really bad but she just can’t comprehend that if you keep breaking the rules you keep getting punished. Two weeks ago I ended up telling her that she could not go to her homecoming dance which is this weekend. For some strange reason she thought I would change my mind on this punishment and did not tell Baby Huey about not going. I guess Baby Huey found out from my daughter’s friend that my daughter was not going to the dance. He thinks that my daughter is making it all up about being grounded so they are now “taking a break.”

These are some of the comments that my dear sweet 16 year old made to me last night:

  • “You could fix everything if you just let me go to the dance.”  (My response: “You would be going to the dance if you hadn’t gotten in trouble!”)
  • You never did like him” (My response: Nothing, I really don’t like the boy. He is too much of a suck up.)
  •  “You got your wish. We didn’t make it to Homecoming, just like you predicted!” (My response: “What can I say I’m good! I told you I know everything.”)
  • “It’s all your fault!” (My response: “You can blame me if you want but I was not the one dating Baby Huey, you were.”)

I can’t wait until she has to put up with me going through Menopause!

Play Date Rules

OK, I have given this some deep thought and I believe I have a list that I can post in my house. I looked at W. Bruce Cameron’s 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter, which I thought were pretty good, but these are rules that a dad wrote. My “Play Date Rules” need what you might call a mother’s fine touch to them. I will have to keep these rules short since the attention span of most teenage boys is that of a flea, so here you go:

Play Date Rules

  1. No boys allowed in any bedrooms or any room with a door attached to it for that matter.
  2. If you can help yourself to my food, you can help yourself to my dishwasher as well.
  3. If you shouldn’t stand on something then don’t put your feet on it at all.
  4. No kissing allowed in front of minors or parents for that matter.
  5. If I don’t like you, my daughter does not like you, she just might not know it yet!
  6. If you get accidentally get something pregnant, you accidentally marry it.
  7. My first name is Mrs. and his is Mr.
  8. Curfews are not negotiable. We go by the clock on our wall, don’t want to get in trouble then set your watch by our clock!
  9. We believe in the 3 strike law. If you screw up 3 times you are out of here unless you screwed up and broke Rule number 6!

Sweet 16 And Never Been Kissed…Ya Right!

My oldest daughter is officially 16 today. So what that really means is that today I am officially old!

I would like to say that my dear Sweet 16 year old has never been kissed, but I was always told not to lie! Especially since I found her and her boyfriend in her room swapping some tongue together on their last play date!

Last Saturday we decided to invite the boy over to go swimming with us. Then we came back to our house and the two children were supposed to be upstairs in the family room playing ping pong and listening to music. Well I stopped hearing the pong of the ping pong table, so I decided that I would take the laundry upstairs and put it away. That is when I caught the two children attached at the tongue in my daughter’s room!

I did not freak out, which really surprised me! The two of them freaked out enough for all three of us! I very sternly informed them that they broke the number 1 play date rule in our house which is no boys allowed in the bed rooms! The boy then apologized to me to which my reply was: “I am the last person you will ever want to piss off! Let’s make sure you don’t piss me off again, O.K.?!”

I don’t know why but he went home shortly after our little talk. Go figure.

I am thinking that I need to come up with a Play Date Rules List and post them by our back door. I’ll let ya know what I come up with!

My Child’s Play Date!

Today we take a new step in our house. My almost 16 year old daughter has a “play date” with her “boyfriend”! I keep calling it a “play date” and every time I do she freaks out. I love it! I know I am too cruel to her but I can’t help it.

Her “boyfriend” is coming over to our house for the first time. This is the first time she has ever had a boy over. My youngest daughter has already informed me that she will keep an eye on them and let me know everything that goes on. I don’t even have to pay her for her services, which I was well prepared to do!

My oldest daughter has already asked me if I was going to ask him a bunch of questions. This got me to thinking and last night I wrote down a bunch of questions on a piece of paper and handed them to my daughter this morning. I thought she was going to drop dead! I thought it was funny!

Here are the questions that I wrote down:
1. If you could be a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
2. What is your favorite color?
3. How much money do you have in the bank?
4. If you get my daughter pregnant how do you plan to support her and the baby?
5. What is your plan for the next 10 years?
6. If you could be a cartoon character who would you be?
7. Who do you think our next president should be?
8. What type of car do you want?
9. What is your favorite baseball team?
10. If you don’t treat my daughter right, do you think I have the right to kick your butt?

I also told her that her dad just might be cleaning his shotgun this afternoon. I think she is rethinking this having a boyfriend over to the house idea!

Playing The Field

Ring, Ring goes my phone yesterday afternoon:

Me: Hello?
Boy on the other end: Is your daughter #1 (name with held for my protection) home?
Me: Is this Steve?
Boy on the other end: No, this is Chris.
Me: Sorry, she’s not here right now may I take a message.
Boy on the other end: Yeah, tell her to call me cause we need to talk.

Then it happened, I apparently didn’t have all of the facts in my oldest daughter’s life! She is apparently playing the field, so they say. You see Steve is the name of the boy who I have heard about for the last 2 months. She is supposedly “dating” him, even though she is not allowed to date until she is 16. Unknown to me she is also “dating” this boy Chris.

I gave her the message, and told her of my little conversation with Chris. The look of horror on her face was hilarious!

I told her what she was doing was wrong. It is not right to have more than one “boyfriend” at a time. You may go out with different people, which I explained was called dating. But, once you tell someone he is your boyfriend, you have to stop dating other boys until you break up with him. 

She called Chris back and of course he wanted to know all about Steve. She told him the situation she had created and he “broke up” with her. Thank goodness, a solution to her little problem.

I told her to avoid these problems in the future she might want to inform me of all the facts in her life, either that or let me read her diary!