Reinventing Myself…

Sorry I have not been holding up my little corner of the blogging world so well lately. It seems something has to give every now and then and this poor little blog has been the neglected one! For those of you who still check in on me, thanks. I try to check in on everyone even though I may not comment!

So why have I been lacking in my blogging you ask? Well I have been trying to reinvent myself. Maybe this is my mid-life crisis, seeing that I will be 40 in just a few months it sounds like a good enough excuse to me!

I have been doing a ton of thinking and talking to other people and I finally came to the conclusion that I have been trying to change the wrong person in my house. I have been trying to change my husband when in reality he will never change unless he wants to. I am the one who has to change!

I am tired of being the victim. I am tired of having the poor me attitude. I am just plain tired!

I am not, at least not at this point, ready to call it quits on my marriage. We have a lot of good things going for us and I believe the vows I took said, “For better and for worse, in sickness and in health.” Well this is the worse and my husband has a sickness called Alcoholism.

With that being said, I can and have made some changes around my house that have made it easier on myself and my kids. I have told my husband until he decides to get treatment for his illness he basically has no decision or responsibilities in certain things with the kids. For example he has no say in the discipline because he has no control in his judgement. He is not allowed to pick the kids up or to drive them anywhere because we can’t trust him to be sober. After this past weekend if he wants to join us in a family outing he must do so without any alcohol. I have been sleeping in a separate room than my husband for the past 2 months and I have been sleeping great! I even managed to get enough nerve up to open my own bank account! Granted I am not putting much in there but it is mine!  I have basically become a single parent who shares a roof with some other person.

It might sound bad but it actually has been going pretty good! The kids have a better attitude and so do I. We actually have laughter back in our house! I actually have a backbone! I am actually proud of myself as a mother and as a person in general!

So here’s to reinventing myself or just trying to survive my mid-life crisis!

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Busy, Busy, Busy

Wow! I have been so busy here lately! Let’s see if I can remember what the heck I have been up to!

On September 11 I took my daughters and my youngest daughter’s friend to go see the Jonas Brothers in concert. I was very impressed with their concert. I think I was up on my feet as much as the girls were! I do finally have my hearing back from all the girls screaming!

My oldest daughter is doing an internship at a Vet’s office for her veterinary class in high school. She is loving it but it is really messing up my schedule! She works Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday from 4-6. This means I get home from picking my youngest daughter up at school at 3:30, pick up my oldest daughter to take to the Vet’s office, get home at 4:15 in time to check youngest daughter’s homework and help her if needed, then at 5:30 I am off to pick up the oldest daughter from the Vet’s office. Then when we get home it’s time to cook dinner, eat, clean up the kitchen and then fall onto the couch! I believe I am going to have to break down and let the oldest daughter get her driver’s license even though she does not have a paying job! My sanity might depend on it!

My youngest daughter has finally decided that she wants to do Girl Scouts. Every year I ask her and she always says no. This year she finally said yes and I am so excited! I was a Girl Scout and I have always wanted to give back what I took from it. So I have signed up to help as well and I even managed to con my oldest to sign up as a volunteer. This will of course add even more to my plate but at least it’s something that I enjoy.

My youngest daughter has also signed up to help the Kindergarten CCE class on Wednesday nights at our church. She needs service hours for school and this will pretty much get her all of her hours for the year. She is very excited about helping out the little kids!

Work is going great! I received a raise just after 6 months of being there and I am taking on more responsibilities. I love my job! Sorry, I am such a geek!

My home life is what it is. I am married to an alcoholic who does not want help. Period. End of story. I have finally figured out I can not change anybody but myself. So I am working on that big time! Since I have figured this out I have actually had a freaking blast in my life! I have taken the girls to the beach and laughed all day. I have taken the girls to concerts and just hanging out around the house has been a lot more fun. I have a ton more work to do on myself but life is getting a lot better!

This has become my favorite song in the past few weeks:

Sara Bareilles

King of Anything

Change Is Good

It’s that time of year again… Back to School Time! My youngest will be going into 6th grade. {Sigh} Junior High here we come! Her school had a bit of an uprising over the summer and this year we have basically all new teachers for 6th-8th grade. Personally I am looking forward to the new change. Some of the teachers have been there since my oldest went to school there and it wasn’t really a good thing.

My oldest daughter will be starting her Senior year this year. So now I have to start getting myself ready for her {again sigh} graduation. Right now she is having scheduling problems with her classes and I could jump in and fix them but I have decided since she is an adult I must let her fix them. I must also realise that if she doesn’t fix them it’s not my problem it’s hers! That sounds so good in writing now I just have to get my head and my heart to really believe it!

Another change I have made is my work schedule. Yes, it was great only working Monday and Tuesday from 8-5. But I have gone and changed it all up. I even did it without discussing it with my kids or my husband! I made a decision on my own to heck with everyone else! Boy did it feel awesome! OK so this is what I have gone and done, I will now work Monday, Tuesday and Friday from 8-2. It is the same amount of hours but this way I can be home in the afternoons with my kids.

Last year I had some major problems around my house when I went back to work. My husband had to pickup my youngest daughter from school and then he had to help both of the girls do homework. I would come home from work and there would be total chaos! My youngest daughter had concerns about her dad being sober when he picked her up from school. Well she doesn’t have to worry about that anymore. Then when it came time to do homework he would tell her to do it his way to hell with what the teachers wanted. Fights like that you take up with the teacher not the kids! Well now she doesn’t have to worry about that either!

Change is good, change is good….

David Bowie

Changes (2002)

It Seems Like Only Yesterday

Where does the time fly? My oldest daughter, who is 17, is going to prom with her Senior boyfriend tomorrow night. I truly can’t believe she has grown up so fast!

It seems like only yesterday that she was still dependant on me for almost everything in her life. You know the major things in life like feeding, clothing, cleaning up after her, ordering her boyfriend’s boutonniere. Oh, wait, that was just yesterday!!

On the way to school yesterday I asked my daughter what color boutonniere she got for her boyfriend. The response I got was “What the Hell is a boutonniere?” From her response I quickly assumed that she had not ordered one at all. I told her what a boutonniere was and I told her I would order one for her but I needed to know what color rose she wanted. So, stupid me, I asked her what color his cummerbund was. “His what?” I told her I would take care of picking a color for his rose.

He will be getting a white rose boutonniere.

I sure as hell hope she knows what a condom is!

Hodgepodge

Hodgepodge (plural hodgepodges):  A collection of miscellaneous things; a jumble.
 
The above describes my life perfectly the last few weeks! My life has truly been a hodgepodge lately! So in keeping with my hodgepodge life I figured I would write a hodgepodge post!
I like the word hodgepodge, can you tell?
  • A few weeks ago we did our outside Spring Cleaning. We pulled weeds for hours upon hours. We even planted a new pear tree in our backyard. 

With all this cleaning up of the yard and flower beds we decided that we needed to give our old buddy Weeder Gnome a new friend. So we found Raker Gnome and added him to our pathetic little flower bed in the backyard.

Now I want to find or make a wooden sign that says: The Good, The Bad and The Gnomely!

  • With Spring comes Spring Break which my 2 girls had last week. The girls and I actually went to the beach one day with some friends of mine. Yes, I actually have friends! It was windy, about 70 degrees and the water was cold at about 63 degrees! My youngest daughter and I were the only two brave enough to go into the water! When we got to the beach we found a leftover sand sculpture from the day before.

Since we had a few little ones with us we decided to move just a little bit further on down the beach away from any leftover sand sculptures!

  • My youngest daughter has been working on a Science Fair Project for the past few weeks. She decided to see which type of liquid a seed would grow better in. She planted sunflower seeds in 4 pots and watered them with tap water, coffee, vinegar and Sprite. Well we have a winner: Coffee made the sunflower seeds sprout the fastest. Tap water came in 2 days later. Sprite grew mold but nothing else and vinegar didn’t do a darn thing

I did not help her at all with her project unless you count paying for the materials and the photos to be printed helping!

  • Along with all the above hodgepodge I have had to juggle softball practice, softball games, work, prom shopping, choir concerts, etc. The list goes on and on. And I wouldn’t want it any other way!

Advice She Will Never Forget!

My oldest daughter has a new boyfriend, wait I think she has a new boyfriend, they come and go so fast it’s hard to keep up! Well anyway, last week my daughter and I were in the car alone together and she asked me if her boyfriend could come over that afternoon. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: “No, not today, it’s family day. I told you yesterday to make sure his coming over for only an hour was worth it.”
Daughter #1: “But, I wasn’t thinking about that. I was only thinking that I wanted to see him then no matter what.”
Me: “That’s why I asked you more than once if you were sure it was worth only seeing him for an hour!”
 
There was a brief silence in the car.
 
Daughter #1: “So…Can he come over this afternoon?”
Me: “Um..NO! Life is like a Chocolate Bunny.”
Daughter #1 (laughing): “What the Hell?!”
Me: “Shut up and listen! Right now you are in a new relationship and all you can think about is what you want right now, this instant! You are not thinking about the next day or the next week. It’s just like when you get a Chocolate Bunny at Easter. It starts out with I’m just going to eat the Bunny ears. The next thing you know you are down to the feet and you are now sick to your stomach. All you could think about was how good those little Bunny ears tasted and you didn’t think about anything else! See Life is like a Chocolate Bunny… please make sure you are careful where you bite!”
Daughter #1 (laughing so hard she has tears rolling down her face): “Only MY MOM would tell me something like that!”

Broken In Sweatshirt

We had a very nice Thanksgiving this year. We spent Thanksgiving Day my husband’s family. Oh who am I kidding, we pretty much spent the entire weekend with them! My husband took off for the weekend to go deer hunting and I spent Friday and Saturday with my in-laws!

This past Thanksgiving Holiday I found myself reflecting on the past year and I have come to the conclusion that I am getting older. Not OLD like my 10-year-old likes to call me, but older like a broken in sweatshirt that fits just right!

Here are a few things that happened or I did this past weekend that really opened my eyes to this new broken in sweatshirt stage of my life:

  • Thanksgiving Day I sat down and watched the Macy’s Parade all by myself. I like it so I watched it! And… I told anyone that came into the room trying to change the channel to get the hell out!
  • Friday morning my mother-in-law, my two sister-in-laws and I went antique shopping. I had blast! I didn’t buy anything but I did take these pictures:

I had the same Fisher-Price Little People sets when I was a little kid! They were my favorite toys! The antique shop wanted $50 per toy set! As for the coffee cup, I drank my very first milk-sugar-coffee from a cup just like that! They wanted $8 a cup for them! It’s a good thing I didn’t have any cash on me!

  • I left both of my girls alone with my brother-in-law and 3 of my nephews while I went out shopping. Did I mention I left them out in the country with lots of 4-wheelers and a dirt bike at their fingertips! Also the brother-in-law in question acts like he is one of the kids! They all survived and so did I! Although as the days keep going on I am hearing stories from my girls that involve not wearing helmets, dirt bikes and wrecks into parked cars!
  • Saturday when we finally made it back home I watched a movie that I wanted to watch. It was not a kids movie and it didn’t have guns or cars in it! 
  • I started reading a book this weekend! Me with a book! I have not read a book for enjoyment in probably 15 years! I actually like reading for fun!
  • Did I mention I went antique shopping!

New Moon

My girls love the Twilight series. My oldest daughter read the entire series. I told my youngest daughter that she had to read the book in order to see the movie. But that went by the wayside real fast once her older sister got the Twilight DVD! My youngest is just like me she hates to read! We have found that if we read a book out loud to each other it’s not that bad. It’s actually fun!

OK, sorry, I went off subject a little there! Back to Twilight! This morning I found out our DirectTV has an interactive Twilight channel for this week. It shows trailers for the New Moon movie and has a couple of little games to play. I told both of my girls about this morning when I woke them up. You would have thought I woke them up on Christmas morning! They were dressed and downstairs in 10 minutes flat!

Both of my girls want to go see the New Moon movie this weekend. They are both freaking out because they think the movie will sell out and they won’t be able to go see it this weekend. My youngest daughter is also freaking out because she wants to go see the movie with just her big sister, NO MOMS ALLOWED! This will be a first for her to go see a movie with just her sister.

Well I was nice and bought them the tickets online for this Saturday and I have no intentions on going to see it with them! I am debating on whether to tell them this information this afternoon or to milk it for a few days! I can’t keep secrets like this so I will probably bust by dinnertime!

 

Life…

In his song Beautiful Boy, John Lennon wrote “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

What is life? What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose in life? What the hell am I doing with my life?

Ah yes! All the great questions for the making of a mid-life crisis! One of these days I suppose I will have the answers to all these questions. I also suppose once I have all these great answers I will drop dead at once so I can’t pass them on. I believe every person has to find his or her own answers to these questions.

I have thought about these questions really hard lately. The one thing I have tried hard not to do is to not stop living while I try and figure out these great mysteries of life. That would truly be a waste of life in my opinion.

Last night my youngest daughter and I took a bike ride right before sunset. We had to stop a few times to rest her little legs. During one of these stops, as we were watching the sunset over the golf course, she said out of the blue “I think life is what you do between sunrise and sunset!”

Wow! Out of the mouths of babes! I truly believe my youngest is an old soul sent here to guide me between my sunrise and my sunset!

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Hanging By A Wing And A Prayer

Have you ever had a week where you just sit back and wonder why at the end of the week? I am having one of those weeks!

I have been on a number of interviews to find work this week. On top of  that I have been very busy with school activities for my girls this week.

The idea of going back to work is exciting yet scary at the same time for me. I would love to be able to provide some much needed money to our household, but the downside to getting a job is that I won’t be there for my kids in the afternoon or to attend school activities during the day.

This morning I went to church with my youngest daughter’s school. I got to see my daughter singing in the choir. She looked over at me and just beamed ear to ear when she saw that I was there.

I have decided that it is no longer up to me if I get a job or not. I have put it into the Big Man’s hands. It is totally up to him whether or not I find a full-time, part-time or no job.