Where Do I Even Start?!

Dear Mrs. ~,

Hi, my name is Thomas and I’ve gone out wit ur daughter many times and when when we break up its because really what she has told me is that you dont really approve of me dating your daughter . I jus wanted to let u know that I love your daughter with all my heart and I care about her so much and I would do anything to be with her. She stole my heart the first time her and me met and I really want to be with her. She is the first person I have ever fell in love with. The first person to ever make me feel whole and without I’m a half im nothing without ur daughter and I want to be the one to make her happy and I love her so much and as much as I care about her is as much as I care about you approving of her and me being together. Well hope you have a wonderful and a great.

Thomas

The above is an actual e-mail I received from one of my oldest daughter’s ex-boyfriends. For the record, my daughter dated him twice and she wants nothing to do with him. I told her when I first met him that I did not really like him that much but I never told my daughter that she could not date him. She told the boy that I did not approve of him so that he would go away! I have trained her well!

I have not yet replied to Thomas,  quite frankly I don’t know where to start! I think this just might work:

Dear Thomas,

Thank you very much for your e-mail regarding your feelings for my daughter. I would really like to know who your English teacher is because I want to make sure my daughter never gets him or her.

I have talked to my daughter and she really does not want to go out with you again. Since you claim my daughter has stolen your heart I have asked her to return it immediately.

If you continue to bother my daughter I will have to hand matters over to her father. Mr. ~ is very busy doing his Spring Cleaning right now which mainly consists of cleaning his guns. I must forewarn you that Mr. ~ gets really upset when we interrupt his Spring Cleaning.

Sincerely,

Mrs. ~

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What To Do When You Don’t Like The New Boyfriend

I have been putting off writing this post because it will not put me in a very good light. But here it goes anyway! 

My sixteen year old daughter has finally decided to start “going out” with someone since her breakup with Baby Huey. I say “going out” because she only sees him at school. She has decided to start seeing a boy who is black. We are white. No, I am not a racist. I think white people should date white people. I know the boy’s family and his mother agrees with me that they should not date each other due to the color of their skin. What I find funny is that neither father knows about them “going out.”

This situation has been going on for about a month now. I have told my daughter that this boy will never be allowed to pick her up at my house for a date. They have been friends for a number of years and I told her that this is the way it should stay.

So what do you do when you don’t like your daughter’s new boyfriend? Hmm let’s see. So far I have threatened to tell her father, I have purposely not told her about phone calls from him and with the help of the boy’s mother we have made sure they don’t go to the movies or mall together. 

This weekend I pulled out the best weapon of all, guilt from the dead! I happened to tell my brother about the situation and he made the comment “I bet Mom is rolling over in her grave! She better watch her butt because her grammy just might zap her with a bolt of lightening!” I of course ran right to my daughter and gave her the words of wisdom her Uncle told me.

I found my daughter writing a break up note to this boy last night. She told me she didn’t want to date someone her family didn’t approve of.

My work is done. You gotta love guilt! It works everytime!

I Caught Them Red Handed

It finally happened. Last Saturday my dear sweet 16 year old had her boyfriend over for a play date. I thought I had covered all the bases with her on dating and I thought she was finally growing up and accepting some responsibility in life. I should have known not to expect too much from two teenagers. What was I thinking!? 

They were upstairs listening to music and playing table soccer. At least that’s what I thought they were doing! I decided to make my routine “walk-thru” of the upstairs and I caught them doing it! Yep, you heard me right! They were doing it!

They were playing a rousing game of Toss Across! How could they do that to me! Here I thought they were two maturing teenagers and they were playing a game recommended for 6 to 8 year olds! Oh, my aching heart! What will I catch them doing next?