Stupid Is As Stupid Does!

Every once in awhile I do something stupid. OK, I lied, I do a lot of stupid things. But on Saturday I did something really stupid! I finally had a day where we did not have any running around to do and both girls were at home with me. What to do with ourselves?

Great, I know, let’s clean the house! But, wait let’s not just do our usual cleaning, let’s deep clean! Let’s move furniture and vacuum behind it!

What the hell was I thinking? Why didn’t anyone stop me?

My little one thought it was great. She took all of the cushions off the couch and started to jump on them. “Look no jumping on the couch means no jumping on the cushions too,” I had to explain. To which I got the reply, “Yeah, but they’re not on the couch!” Smart Ass!

After vacuuming under the couch cushions the “No Eating in the Living Room” rule is back in  place. I found everything from popcorn to pepperoni under the cushions! I am surprised that I did not find an ant invasion under them!

Then we moved the couch and found The Land of the Lost. We found the usual, lost game pieces, crayons, pens, toys, a few coins, etc. I just want to know how a pair of my youngest one’s underwear got back there! Wait, do I really want to know that?

I have ordered the girls to stop me from any future “Deep Cleaning” moments. Thank goodness I didn’t do anything really stupid like move the refrigerator!

 

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Gotta Sing, Gotta Dance… But Not To This!

I think it is time for me to start keeping my 15 year old daughter away from her 8 year old sister. My girls like to take their music outside and dance and sing in our backyard. No problem, right? Wrong! The 7 year age difference in my girls is creating a slight problem with this picture lately.

I went out in the backyard to spy on the girls water my flowers the other day and my 8 year old is singing a song at the top of her lungs and dancing. Not the usual Jonas Brothers or Hannah Montana music I am used to hearing her sing. Oh no, nothing that simple!

This is the song my innocent little 8 year old was singing, “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry. I asked my sweet, little innocent child what she was singing and she said, “I don’t know, but I like the beat.” I told my 8 year old that the song was not a very good one and I did not want to hear her singing it again. I then turned to my rotten, evil teenager, who was laughing her ass off at her sister, and explained that certain music was off limits to 8 year olds and this song was one of them!

Oh, the fun of raising kids!!

6 Word Meme

I was tagged by Betme for this one. I don’t play tag very well, I always hated that game as a kid because I was always It, so if you want to play go for it!

Here are the rules:

·  Write a six-word memoir.

·  Post it to your blog including a visual illustration if you would like.

·  Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.

·  Tag 5 more blogs with links.  

·  Don’t forget to leave a comment in the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

 

“Jump in, the water is fine!”

Pink, It’s The New White

It all started on Saturday. I was doing my last, of many loads of laundry when my stupid washing machine decided to leak water all over the floor. I quickly got some of our beach towels and sopped up the mess. After the mess was cleaned up I threw the towels into the washing machine and figured I would wash them the next time I needed to do laundry.

Well yesterday was the next day that I had laundry to do. Now mind you, I do not believe in sorting laundry. I think it is a waste of my time and just makes the water bill higher. I threw in the laundry from my bedroom along with the beach towels from Saturdays fiasco. I watched the washing machine wash the entire load of laundry because I just knew it was going to leak again. Nope, no leaks. The floor was dry. Yay, I was in the clear.

Wrong! I opened the lid to the washing machine and started to put the clothes in the dryer. It all came to a screeching halt when I pulled out my husbands underwear which were now pink! You guessed it the cheap, red, beach towel that I bought last year bled all over the clothes. But it only bled onto the white stuff. I had other light colored stuff in there but it discriminated against them, I guess.

I quickly, before anyone else saw, put the pink undergarments and socks back into the washer and grabbed the bleach bottle, knowing that must be the cure for pink underwear! When the wash was done I let out an “Oh Shit!” to which my 8 year old daughter of course had to investigate. She started laughing at her daddy’s pink underwear. I told her it would be fine and that Daddy’s underwear would be white again.

I had already come up with a plan to run to the store and buy new underwear for my hubby and he would never know of the pink underwear problem. I would use the new pink undergarments for rags. The only problem with my plan was that I forgot to inform my little investigative reporter! She of course had to run and tell her daddy of his newly colored underwear!

Great, I’m busted. This will be one of those days that comes back to haunt me at the next family gathering! But, on the bright side or should I say the pink side,  I am now a firm believer in at least sorting towels and clothes separately!

Playing The Field

Ring, Ring goes my phone yesterday afternoon:

Me: Hello?
Boy on the other end: Is your daughter #1 (name with held for my protection) home?
Me: Is this Steve?
Boy on the other end: No, this is Chris.
Me: Sorry, she’s not here right now may I take a message.
Boy on the other end: Yeah, tell her to call me cause we need to talk.

Then it happened, I apparently didn’t have all of the facts in my oldest daughter’s life! She is apparently playing the field, so they say. You see Steve is the name of the boy who I have heard about for the last 2 months. She is supposedly “dating” him, even though she is not allowed to date until she is 16. Unknown to me she is also “dating” this boy Chris.

I gave her the message, and told her of my little conversation with Chris. The look of horror on her face was hilarious!

I told her what she was doing was wrong. It is not right to have more than one “boyfriend” at a time. You may go out with different people, which I explained was called dating. But, once you tell someone he is your boyfriend, you have to stop dating other boys until you break up with him. 

She called Chris back and of course he wanted to know all about Steve. She told him the situation she had created and he “broke up” with her. Thank goodness, a solution to her little problem.

I told her to avoid these problems in the future she might want to inform me of all the facts in her life, either that or let me read her diary!

Can I Have A Can Of Monster Spray, Please?

My 8 year old daughter has learned how to tease her older sister to no end. All she has to do is to start quoting lines from the movie Poltergeist. I hate to admit it, but I usually have to leave the room because I am laughing too hard! My 8 year old sounds just like Carol Anne.

This is her favorite trick to play on her older sister: She leaves the room and then says, “Mommy, where are you Mommy? I can’t see you Mommy.”

I asked my 15 year old daughter if I needed to go buy a can of “Monster Spray” like I did when she was 4 and had a monster living in her closet. But all I got was the “You’re Not Helping Any” look!

Swimsuit Time

It’s that time of the year again. The dreaded swimsuit season! Every year we have a major battle at my house. I will not allow my girls to wear bikinis. Maybe I am just jealous because they can wear bikinis. This year I broke my rule, at least for the older child, and let her buy a two piece swimsuit. Mind you it is not a bikini! It is a very modest two piece suit.

I have this weird thought that young girls should respect themselves and not show the entire world their bodies. This goes for all clothing not just swimsuits! The minute a shirt rises above the belly button when an arm is raised, out it goes. It either goes in the hand-me-down pile or off to Goodwill. Pants must sit on your waist not your hips! And please I am not going to pay $20 for a pair of shorts that barely cover you butt!

OK, sorry to go off on that tangent, back to swimsuits. Some people should not be allowed to wear bikinis at all. Today at the pool there was a young lady wearing a bikini who was 8 and 3/4 months pregnant. I am glad you are confident in your body, but come on, I do not want to see it and I am sure the poor children don’t want to see it. I know my didn’t! My rule of thumb has always been if you have two or more kids than bikinis are no longer for you.

We also saw a little girl who was about 3 wearing a string bikini! I told my oldest that she probably belonged to the pregnant lady in the bikini.

And boys, could you please find trunks that fit! We do not want to see your butt while we are swimming! I know you are all used to wearing your regular pants down like that, but please at least you have underwear on!

Is it time for winter yet!!

Two Scoops of Ice Cream Please

For the past few weeks I have been wondering why I have such a positive look on life. I know, strange thing to be wondering about, but hey that’s me!

My husband is just the opposite of me and is pessimistic to the point where it is actually starting to get on my nerves really bad. He has other issues right now that I think are not helping in this matter, but that is for a different post!

I came to the conclusion on my morning bike ride that being optimistic is really a matter of having faith. In my opinion there is a God and he does have a plan. Yes, bad things in life are going to happen that is a fact. I think it is how you deal with those things that really matter. Sometimes you just have to have a little faith, trust, whatever you want to call it.

About a year ago I came across a web page from a woman with whom I knew as a child. We were in Girl Scouts together. Julie was a year younger than me and I don’t think I ever saw her without a smile on her face. When I came across her web page she was 34 years old, married with 3 young kids and had Stage 4 Melanoma. She still had a smile on her face through it all. She knew her family would be taken care of and that when her body finally quit she would go to meet God.

She motivated me to get my shit together to put it simply. I just wish she could have known that before she passed away last November. Somehow I think she knows. Thanks a bunch Jules!

I quit smoking almost a year and a half ago and I knew it was not going to be easy. I was smoking 3 packs a day! I went through major withdrawals, I actually slept for 21 hours during day 2. But I kept thinking that at least I would be living a little bit longer for my kids.

My doctor than decided to scare the crap out of me and tell me my liver tests came back and they looked bad, real bad. I knew what the problem was, I drank to much. Easy solution for me, just stop drinking! Believe it or not I asked the big man for a little help. Done! I have been sober for 9 months.

I started to exercise to lose the 80 pounds I had put on over the years. Not drinking really helped this. Then I put the family on a eating better program. Well, I have lost 60 pounds in a year and only have 20 more to go!

I lost my job of 20 years because the owners finally decided to retire. I am lucky enough, I don’t have to work. So now I am getting to be more of a part of my kids life, whether they like it or not!

So to put all this rambling to an end, I will continue to look at the world as half full insted of half empty. Actually, I think I will look at the world as having 2 scoops of ice cream instead of 1!

Party Pooper

I am not the type of mom that does well with planning kids birthday parties. We usually just do a small family type of celebration. Both of my girls birthdays are in July and they are 12 days apart right during prime vacation time.

This year my youngest daughter really wants to have a party with her friends. The last time I planned a party with her friends only one kid showed up. It seems unless your party is at some bowling, skating, pizza or some other fun filled place, nobody comes. What happened to the good old days of having a birthday party at your home? You know the type, you play some games, have some cake, open presents and then everyone leaves.

It seems now days people are spending hundreds of dollars on kids parties! I worked with a girl that held her 1 year old son’s birthday party at a pizza place and dropped $500 doing it. For a party that the kid will never remember! I also love how some of the parents feel they must give gifts to the guests! I am sorry, but we do not live in Hollywood and the kids do not deserve Swag Bags!

My youngest daughter and I have come up with a plan for her 9th birthday party. We are going to have a Karaoke party. We already have a karaoke machine, so all we will need to get is some of her type of music. I figure we can order a few pizzas, sing a bunch of songs, have cake, open presents and then send them home!

Now to figure out what to do for the soon to be 16 year old’s party! I can guarantee you it won’t look like anything you see on My Super Sweet 16 from MTV! Not with my party planning skills or my wallet!

I’m Late, I’m Late For A Very Important Date

I read two articles this morning about excuses people use for being late for work and for people who call in sick for work.

Here are 10 reasons that they listed that people actually used for being late:
1.  While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.
2.  Someone stole all my daffodils.
3.  I had to go audition for American Idol.
4.  My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.
5.  My route to work was shut down by a presidential motorcade.
6.  I have transient amnesia and couldn’t remember my job.
7.  I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.
8.  The line was too long at Starbucks.
9.  I was trying to get my gun back from the police.
10.  I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawnshops were closed.
And here are 10 reasons people used for calling in sick:
1. At her sister’s wedding, an employee chipped her tooth on a mint julep, bent over to spit it out, hit her head on a keg and was knocked unconscious.
2. While at a circus, a tiger urinated on the employee’s ear, causing an ear infection.
3. An employee’s dog wasn’t feeling well, so the employee tasted the dog’s food and then got sick.
4. “Someone put LSD in my salad.”
5. An employee’s roommate locked all his clothes in a shed for spite.
6. “Stuck on an island – canoe floated away.”
7. An employee was upset because his favorite “American Idol” contestant was voted off.
8.  “I didn’t think I had to come in if I had time in my vacation bank. I thought I could take it whenever I wanted.”
9. An employee said he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to rest up for the company’s holiday party that night.
10. A groundhog bit the employee’s car tire, causing it to go flat.

I used to work as a restaurant manager for many years so I have heard my share of reasons for people being late or just plain not coming into work. My favorite was a young man named Daniel who just happened to have a funeral to go to every Saturday and it was always down in Mexico. After about a month of his crap I finally told him the only way he would be excused for another funeral was if it was his own and I better be able to see his body at the viewing!

This article got me wondering, what is the worst excuse you have ever heard of or better yet used for calling in late or sick to work?

Summer, Now You See It…Now You Don’t!

We spent this weekend on a mini summer vacation. We drove from Houston up to Dallas to go see an IRL race. The girls were great and did not fight the entire trip. Before the race started Robbie Knievel jumped 21 Hummers on his motorcycle. We had an awesome time and the girls even got to see the winner of the race, Scott Dixon. He shook their hands as well! My youngest of course stated that she would never wash her hand again.

We came home to find a message on our phone stating that our oldest daughter’s summer was officially over! She will be spending half of her summer retaking World History. Being a Freshman in high school she couldn’t figure out that not turning in assignments and not studying for tests meant that you were not going to pass. So, she will be spending 3 weeks in summer school and her bank account will be missing $150 that our great school district charges for each class. Yes, we are mean parents and we made her pay for it since she was the one who failed the class. Hopefully she will learn her lesson from it!

Baked Chicken & Mushrooms

I am going to try this recipe next week. I will be omitting the cheese from this recipe to reduce the fat and cholesterol.  

Baked Chicken and Mushrooms
From Light & Tasty
INGREDIENTS
6 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (4 ounces each)
1/4 teaspoon paprika

1/2 pound fresh mushrooms, sliced
1 tablespoon butter or stick margarine
1/2 cup sherry or chicken broth
3 green onions, chopped
1 garlic clove, minced
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
3/4 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
DIRECTIONS    
     Arrange chicken in a 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish coated with cooking spray. Sprinkle with paprika. Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 15 minutes.
    Meanwhile, in a large nonstick skillet, saute mushrooms in butter for 5 minutes. Add the sherry or broth, green onions, garlic, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil. Pour over chicken. Bake 10-15 minutes longer or until chicken juices run clear. Top with cheese. Bake for 3-5 minutes or until cheese is melted. 
Yield: 6 servings.
Nutrition Facts
One serving: (1 chicken breast half)
Calories: 198
Fat: 6 g
Saturated Fat: 3 g
Cholesterol: 79 mg
Sodium: 361 mg
Carbohydrate: 3 g
Fiber: 1 g
Protein: 31 g
Diabetic Exch: 4 lean meat.  

Oh Yes I Did!

Yesterday afternoon I so did it! I picked up my 15 year old daughter and her friend from high school and asked my daughter:

  •  “Guess what I heard on the radio when I turned the car on?”
  • “What Mom?” was her reply in a ‘Do I really want to know’ voice.
  • “I heard Little Bunny Foo Foo!” in my all excited ‘I am such a dork’ voice. (The Shari Lewis version was her favorite song when she was 4! )

Little Bunny Foo Foo,
Hopping through the forest
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin’ ’em on the head

Of course I had to start singing it. I could not resist it. Then I started laughing my butt off because her friend started to sing it with me. My poor daughter wanted to die, I could tell. But then I started to sing Shari Lewis’ The Song that Doesn’t End!

So there we were, the three of us with the car windows down, singing on the top of our lungs trying to get out of the high school traffic jam! I love embarrassing my kids.

Seven Songs for Singing…

Here is a song Meme:

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to. I don’t like playing tag so do it if you want to.

I am stealing Joan’s idea because I like having the videos of all the songs.  Here’s my list:

John Mayer – Say

Duran Duran – Box Full of Honey

Colbie Caillat – Bubbly

Taylor Swift – Our Song

Carrie Underwood – All American Girl

Pink – Who Knew

Patti Scialfa – As Long As I (Can Be With You)

 

Oh, Crap There’s A Grasshopper In My Bed

Last night I tucked myself in bed,
I gently put down my sleepy head.
I moved my foot and felt a thump,
Which made my tired body jump.
I pulled back the sheets only to find,
A grasshopper who was messing with my mind.
I picked the grasshopper up and said,
You’re a lucky bug you should be dead,
For jumping into my comfy bed!

 

Growing Up Mom

How many times have you said to yourself that you will not be like your mother when you have kids? I know I said it about a million times when I was growing up! Well guess what, you can’t stop it from happening! No matter how hard you try you will at some point in time end up saying or doing things just like your own mother did, for better or worse.

The quote my mom used the most was “Because I said so!” I swore I would never use it when I had kids. When my oldest hit the famous “But Why?” stage I found myself using it, now it is said on a daily basis. Other hated but used now quotes are:

  • “This is my house, these are my rules!”
  • “When you pay your own rent you can do what you want!”
  • “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you? (My oldest always says “Depends how tall the bridge is.”  Smart Ass Kid!)
  • “Just wait until you have kids of your own!”
  • “If you don’t stop I am going to pull this car over!”
  • “Close the door…Do you think I am paying all this money to AC the whole neighborhood!”
  • “Leave your sister alone, and you stop that damn whining!”
  • “One day you will think this is funny.”

I can’t wait to see the look of horror on my own kids faces when one day it finally hits them like a ton of bricks, that yes in the end they will be just like their dear old mom!